I was trolling a poker forum and came across a post I made about 2 years ago, or so. I think it predates this blog and was reposted from my OLD blog, which is now dead and buried. I’ll RE-repost it here for lulz:
So me, my uncles (Steve, Tommy, and PT), and my cousin (who shall be known as “Devilspawn” or “DS” in the future)are all looking to play a home poker game. Steve was in charge of setting up the table, I was counting out the chips, and I asked PT to go to the nearby store to get a new pack of cards since my sister spilled beer on the last new deck we had. PT later returns with TWO decks, and we settle down to play.
Let me first give you a little background description of the various relatives. PT (Paul) is 39 and the most like me. I get along with him pretty well, and he’s more like an older brother than an uncle. He tends to drink a bit, but he becomes easier to beat when we play poker. I’d say he’s my biggest competition and plays better than the rest, but he gets predictable.
Then there’s Steve. Steve is a year older and a bit of a crackhead. See, “Crackhead” is a phrase or term that I use to describe the type of player that we’re all familiar with. The guy who’ll refuse to fold a pair of 7’s, even with 3 over cards and a possible straight on the board. He’ll go all-in on a bluff frequently – sometimes he has nothing as you fold your 2nd pair, and sometimes he flopped quads while you and your full house mutter under your breath. His personality fits his style, though. In his younger years, he was a bit of a…what’s a polite way to say this? A man-whore. The guy who could go through the yearbook pictures, point to the pictures of women and go, “yes, yes, no, yes, no, yes, her AND her sister, yes, yes…” He also was, and still is, a bit of a pyromaniac – a trait we tend to share. He’s definitely a lot of fun to be around and good to have on your side, but a pain to play poker with. I’m getting better at reading him, but it’s a constant struggle. I usually try to outwait him since he either wins or busts early.
DS is my uncle Steve’s son. His real name is Steven as well, so the nickname will help remove confusion. He’s a typical 14 tear old kid and loves to annoy me. Unfortunately for him, I love to throw him in snowbanks, shoot him with paintballs, or generally let him know that he’s still inferior. For the most part, he’s an ok kid and somewhat decent at cards. He tends to be a bit cracky, but he’s easier to read than his dad. When he bets big – run. He thinks that the quicker he gets all of his money in, the sooner he’ll double up off of his huge hand. He’ll also call you with anything, so don’t bother bluffing him.
Then there is Tommy. Tommy is the oldest of the uncles, at around 45. Tommy is perhaps one of the strangest individuals I’ve ever known. He’s kind of an introvert and isn’t exactly blessed with the social graces. He’s your typical, redneck, nascar-loving, classic rock type of guy, but he also has the overwhelming need to try to fit in. Hanging around my other uncles and I, he tends to try too hard.
Take his changing interest in music. Lately, Tommy has signed up for a free month of music downloads off of AOL, and has made the most out of it. Now, when Tommy goes to a bar with a jukebox, he normally starts picking groups like George Thoroughgood and Kansas. However, I underestimated his tendency to try to fit in. As the 5 of us were sitting at a table to play poker, Tommy decided to get up, go to his computer in the other room, and play music. Soon, we heard the Black Eyed Peas telling us to “get it started.”
As Steve, PT and I looked at each other, Steve whispered that Tommy actually borrowed Steve’s playlist and put the exact same songs on his list. Tommy doesn’t know whack from fly, frontin’ from representin’, or Ice Cube from Vanilla Ice. If you want to have a visual, think Kip from Napoleon Dynamite. He came back to the table as we quietly shook our heads and played. It can be hard to concentrate on your cards when you hear Ludacris telling you to bend over to the front and touch your toes, but we somehow managed…
Right away, things seemed strange. PT dealt out cards, face-up, to see who was going to deal. First card – king of diamonds to DS. I got the jack of diamonds. Tommy got the 10 of diamonds. Steve got the ace of diamonds. Since he had the first ace, he was the dealer, but I made PT deal out one more card to try for the royal. He pulled a 9, so no royal. Still, it seemed odd. I was dealt into the game, and a few hands in, I looked down to see pocket 10’s. Not too shabby. I was first to act, so I raised. EVERYONE at the table called. I’m thinking – ok, I have a family of crackheads, but let’s see what happens. The flop? 10,J,Q. I have a set of 10’s, but the possible straight is scary. Plus, there were 2 hearts. DS is first to act, and he bets. I raise. EVERYONE calls.
… I might be in trouble.
The turn was a 9 of hearts. Great. Now we have 9,10,J,Q out there, and I was sure someone had a straight, possibly AK to give them a huge straight. Plus, there were now 3 hearts giving someone a possible flush. Steven bet. I called. So did everyone else. What the…?
The river? A queen. That’s a great card for me, since I now have a full house – 10’s over Queens. Sure, if someone had pocket jacks, pocket queens, or a Queen plus a board card in their hand, I was in trouble, but I thought the chances were rare. DS bets big to open. He plays like a crackhead anyways, so I wasn’t too scared. I just called. So did EVERYONE else except Steve, who called us all crackheads as he folded in disgust. We all turned over our cards. DS had a KJ, giving him a straight. Tommy had a KQ, giving him a straight as well. I was happy with my hand until PT looked at me, apologized, and showed his pocket Jacks. I just sat there in shock. That was an incredible hand and I got beat? I was on tilt, but we kept playing.
The next hand, I was in the big blind with J9. Everyone called until DS raised. I was still steaming from my earlier beats, since it seemed like I had a playable hand EVERY time, but kept losing. I wisely folded and let those guys slug it out. The flop was A,K,10. DS went all-in. He got both Tommy and PT to call him. I was shaking my head as Tommy showed Steve his cards. I figured that was a sign Tommy had a good hand. PT and Tommy played the turn and the river – both bet smaller amounts just to raise the pot, but neither folded. 2 10’s came out on the turn and river, making the board A,K,10,10,10. After the betting was done, Steve looked at DS and shook his head. He said, “Sorry son, you lost this one.” DS swore he didn’t. Steve said, “Uh, yeah you did. You can’t win.” PT turned over an ace, giving him a full house. Tommy smiled and turned over a 10, giving him the 4 of a kind. DS slammed his cards down – an ace and a 10, giving HIM a four of a kind.
…
Wait a minute…3 10’s on the board, plus a 10 in each person’s hand…I’m not a math major or anything, but that’s 5 10’s.
We wondered just what the heck just happened, until I grabbed the deck and turned it so all the cards were face up. There wasn’t a single card under a 9. It was a freaking Pinochle deck!
It seems PT didn’t check to see what decks he was buying, and got us 2 Pinochle decks. No wonder I had such good hands, yet everyone else did too! I think I cracked a rib from laughing so hard, but we eventually dug up an old deck, minus beer stains, and went on to play a real game. After it was all said and done, I was $20 richer.
